In the last post I mentioned that we need to have good boundaries within the web of wyrd. Here are some great check-in resources to be certain we are in high functioning mode. They come from Ann Wilson Schaef, University of Minnesota. When you notice these things in your behavior, just stop. Be in Verthandi, the present moment, and begin to unwind the oorlag. Find the kinks and triggers and sort out your emotions around them. Do not move forward in anything until you have reached healing within your own being.
In Grith (the assumption that everyone will be cool)
By Ann Wilson Schaef1. When we find ourselves talking about others in a way we would never do in person and when we do this to build allies and justify ourselves. (kt Creating relationship based on mutual disdain for the other. I see this in American politics and especially on facebook)
2. Dishonesty – a trigger back to disease from recovery. (kt There is no such thing as a little white lie.)
3. Whenever we are obsessed with a person or situation.
4. Whenever we become controlling and/or manipulative.
5. Whenever we interpret others/guess at what they think, Assume we know more about him/her than he/she does.
6. Self-neglect (including not eating/sleeping/exercising regularly, over working, neglecting family/house/plants/pets).
8. Blaming others
10.Dualistic thinking (either/or, black/white, polarities)
Signs of Unhealthy Boundaries
Trusting no one – trusting anyone – black and white thinking (all or nothing)
Talking at an intimate level on first meeting
Falling in love with a new acquaintance
Falling in love with anyone who reaches out
Being overwhelmed by a person – preoccupied (obsessing)
Acting on first sexual impulse
Being sexual for partner, not self
Going against personal values or rights to please other
Not noticing when someone else displays inappropriate boundaries
Not noticing when someone invades your boundaries
Accepting food, gifts, touch, sex that you don’t want
Touching a person without asking
Taking as much as you can get for the sake of getting
Giving as much as you can give for the sake of giving
Allowing someone to take as much as they can from you
Letting others direct your life
Letting others describe your reality
Letting others define you
Believing others can anticipate your needs
Expecting others to fill your needs automatically
Falling apart so someone will take care of you
Sexual and physical abuse
Food abuse (other addictions)